always complaining and never taking advice

Do you know - my mum is always complaining about her sisters. It's always the same, and it's so tiresome.

Hate to suggest it might make people wonder if she's more like her supposedly crazy sisters than she lets on. But that might reflect on me too.

Still, I've tried listening lately. And reading up about the issues. And offering advice.

But she won't take advice. She'll compare me to my father, in a way which is intended as a criticism - boy, that hurts. She'll get defensive about the way she tries to deal with the problems. She'll call me lazy because I don't do the things which she thinks help, but which I think are pointless and counter-productive.

Thing is, if she's right, then why does she keep on getting the same problems with her sisters over and over again?

People have often told me that I'm always moaning about my problems, and that I never take advice on how to deal with them. You know - I think they're right. And I'm beginning to see where I get it from too!

If it's not okay for me to get sympathy for problems that I've caused, then it's not okay for my mum to get it for problems she's caused either. Is that fair?

So - I'm going to start changing things.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Any insights?

Tell your mum to ballocks, it hard the first time but boy do they listern after that

[Tia]

Getting laid in public is now illegal
Just thought Squidgy should be made aware
Though I'm sure he's VERY aware of everything

All advice on "life improvements" (after all there's plenty on "home improvements") please add here

Maybe it should be a new thread?

"THINGS THAT MADE OUR LIVES MORE LIVEABLE"

.....or something

Originally posted by Tia

"THINGS THAT MADE OUR LIVES MORE LIVEABLE"

mm good one Tia.

Right, I'll start the ball rolling.

1. Wine
2. Books
3. Vibrators

1) Jack Daniels
2) Weekends
3) And most important, Good friends who are there when you need them

I've no prob with my Mum, but my husband has. (ie him with my mum, his mother in law)
Over the years, i've tried reasoning, got upset too many times, in the end, let's face it, hubby can only take her in small doses (very small doses) he makes a small effort from time to time. She is too old to change much now (75) i've stopped interfering , stopped asking and stopped getting upset. Problem is still there if i'm not careful, but i ignore it and feel better for it. (it's their prob, not mine.)

Hi,

Things that make our lives better........

Appreciating other people for the impact they have upon your life.

IE.. Those whom you often take for granted, that love you for being just you despite the fact you can often be a twonk.

Oh........ And CURRY, BIKES, BEER and SEX.

Not all @ the same time though. A sensible blend oft suffices.

STS

Squidgy!
Advicing you mum won't help - as you have discovered.
But what seems to be necessary is some clarifications regarding responsibilities: Whatever she is responible for is her problems - not yours. That's a fact and as such you may state it every now and then or whenever it seems appropriate.

It's not easy to tell when it's the right time to do it, you'll have to try and learn.
There are times though when it's realy bad to mention it:

1. When recieving her x-mas gifts
2. When she's paying the land lord
3. When she's serving dinner
4. When you're having sex
(It would seem very silly to shout "blame it on my mum" in such a situation. The one exeption is if your mum is involved in the act mentioned).

Now, the life improvement list (that seldom come true) :
1. Get drunk - without the hang over
2. Start a fight down town - and win it
3. Find time and solitude to read a realy good book
4. Have a conversation with your mother in law - and enjoy it

heh - thanks for replies.

Another thing - she always needs to have the last word. She always seems to need to give advice on how you should be doing things, even when she doesn't have the faintest idea what she's talking about. Okay - sometimes I do that too - but at least I can see where I get it from.

Whatever she is responible for is her problems - not yours. That's a fact and as such you may state it every now and then or whenever it seems appropriate.

True - and that's what I've tried to do in the past - without being rude about it. Doesn't seem to have worked - so now I'm thinking of intervening.

My sister's daughter's expecting. Her grandmother was the last to find out. I thought, how come she's okay to talk to her mother but not her grandmother? Does it actually make a difference what my mum thinks? My niece seems to think so, even thought I can't see it. So maybe I'm not so crazy to see my mum the way I do - it's not just me.

My mum's moaning about her messy sister. Mum tries to clean aunt's house twice a year, but isn't gracious about it. Aunt doesn't appreciate it at all.

Why does mum bother if she hates it so much? Actually - she owns the house aunt lives in. But even so ...

Okay - things that make life better.

• being able to complain about stuff
• getting non-patronising sympathy for it
• pretending to return the favour, by giving quack advice to other people about their problems

[Tia]

Nice advice and tips!

I think "not having to worry about money, or damp patches on the ceiling, or where your next orgasm is going to come from" would be things to make life more liveable

Originally posted by Tia
Nice advice and tips!

I think "not having to worry about money, or damp patches on the ceiling, or where your next orgasm is going to come from" would be things to make life more liveable

thankfully I don't have to worry about any of the above three

1. Wine
2. Books
3. Vibrators

Kdee 1 & 2 I understand but 3, what the hell has concrete got to do with it??

Naa, that number 3 is earthquakes, innit

Concerning Advice..........

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. Oscar Wilde

Hi,

Number 3 is only earthquakes if you have a "Jack Rabbit" (tm)..

I keep getting spammy mails about it, sounds quite a remarkable beastie!!!!!!!!.

STS

I think "not having to worry about money, or damp patches on the ceiling, or where your next orgasm is going to come from" would be things to make life more liveable

Agreed.

Does anyone have to worry about money, though? Or anything else? When did worrying about anything ever do any good?

Think of it this way. If you don't pay your rent - then eventually, you'll be kicked out. Whether you worry about it or not doesn't make any difference.

Worrying doesn't help you do anything better - it only stops you from doing it at all. But it's no good just saying "don't worry" - because some people will worry anyway, no matter how good or bad things are.

I guess you could say that's true of me.

Hey damn it I know that's true of me. Two years ago the doctor diagnosed a long-term anxiety disorder, but I resented it at the time. People call me lazy and workshy as it is - the last thing I need to do is learn to relax. My attitude is that if I don't stay on top of things, it will all start unravelling at the seams.

Or so I thought at the time. But now, I see it differently - and I'm going to let them help me with it. But I'm finding it very hard to convince my mum that this is a good idea.

Oh the irony of the thread title

You spotted it

/me makes note to improve sarcasm skills

As it happens - there's been a development. Won't say what - but ... I think the chances that the family gold will put me through a college course which I don't already qualify for funding for is now slightly higher than it was last week.

Nice to see you never change Squidgy.