Coping with the aftermath of crap

[Worldlife]

Yesterday we dealt with aerosols. Today's problem is quality control for "soft" toilet paper. The new roll I fitted this morning does not tear at the perforations and when pulled all I get is shredded soft tissue.

Do you experience problems with starting the roll, your fingers going through the tissue or the roll not tearing properly?

What brands are you using? Take part in our MULTICHOICE poll

Hi,

Yawn...

STS

[Appuleius]

Toilet rolls.... bloody hell is this country going soft?

Whats wrong with newspaper for gawds sake?

Any paper except of course the Sun, there is enough of the crap on its sheets to start with!

[kdee]

Sorry, can I clarify.
Hard thin paper?
Is that Izal, the well known brand of tracing paper favoured by schools and public toilets?

And what about a "I do nothing" option for those who have clean breakers

[Onslo]

Why on earth is this being discussed?

'Slo

i could venture an opinion, how about something like

because vic is full of ........

[kdee]

Originally posted by Onslo
Why on earth is this being discussed?

'Slo

Am suspecting one of two reasons:

1. Either Vic is having a laugh or
2. Vic is seriously tapped individual with far too much time on his hands who has an obsession with faeces

[squidgy]

Why does anyone ever use Izal? Supermarket own brands are (a) softer and (b) cheaper.

I use safeway savers. Taking the first sheet off the roll sometimes results in the first two or three sheets shredding - but after that, there's no problems at all.

I find that more expensive brands are too thick. If you want thicker - just double up on the thinner brands. But sometimes, thinner is better - because thinner paper reaches parts that thicker papers miss. Andrex doesn't give you that option.

Whats wrong with newspaper for gawds sake?

Newspapers can't be transported home or stored without leaving inky deposits on anything they come into contact with. Oh - and they're too expensive.

[Appuleius]

Izal is an interesting fluid, and I believe was used on floors in public toilets at the request of the police, anyone "bogtrotting" or doing an "Ann Hathaway"( soliciting for immoral purposes) could be detected by the smell on their shoes, a straight in and out ( excuse the pun!) visit for legal purposes would not soak up the stuff, but prolonged loitering would be a dead give away.
I understand such practices are rare nowadays and the number of "cottages" greatly reduced.

The late Quentin Crisp one of the "stately homos" of England, spoke of such locations..."First come the few, then the many, then the police"

I digress, Squidge... we get plenty of free newspapers around here!

[kdee]

"cottaging" .....now there's a term I've not heard since my days in the Gay Village in Manchester

[Greenking]

Anything soft will do as far as I'm concerned

[Worldlife]

kdee I thought that this was a topic to which everyone could make a contribution

....but if you want an obsession

That Child. (239 hits)
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Submitted by Rachel Happy pants <Thisisrachels.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-08-28 11:12:29

I am probably breaching some sort of confidentiality clause here. But anyway being naughty is fun!

While I was working as a daycare lady we had a child who came in three days a week. The horrible little mite gained the nickname Pooey. Now Pooey was not an ugly kid. Not especially annoying when she was being nice and was really affectionant. The only problem with Pooey was her faecal obsession. She loved her ****.

Everyday after sleeptime Pooey would wander off to the loo. While in there she do her business. Except instead of wiping her little bottom off like a nice girl she would wipe it on the floor. She would then proceed to take her stuff out of the tiolet and smooch it into her hair, wipe it on her body (which she had oh so considerately stripped naked by this time) and proceed writing on any surface she could get her smelly little hands on.

Now me being the youngest carer in the two year old room it was my job to clean this mess up. So double gloved and armed with super strength disinfectant I cleaned till I puked. Then cleaned till it was clean. A workmate got the job of cleaning Pooey off. Afterward she said Pooey kept trying to touch her and have *cuddles*.

We hoped this would be the first and last time Pooey tried this boy were we wrong. A carer was posted outside of the toilets everytime she went to the loo. But the urge got to strong for Pooey. HEr next target was the cubby house. She pooped in the corner then placed her hands in. Luckily she was caught before she could act on her urge. Still someone had to clean her off. All eyes turned to me.

People still ask me why I quit that job. People still tell me how lucky I was and how nice children are.

I just laugh.

[Alnath]

The nightmare that is

[kdee]

Which bit exactly is the "tissue"?

the wrapping kdee, we used to fight over that its the only bit worth using

the rest is good as an 80 grit sandpaper

[Behemoth]

Someone bought me izal as a joke for my birthday once.

[kdee]

That picture that Alnath has posted made me remember how my heart would sink as a child when using public toilets, entering the loo and seeing the roll of that facing me!

[Alnath]

It makes cracking tracing paper!

[Worldlife]

Cracking reminds me of crumbling....

At Scout camp the technique we used for making Izal tissues softer was to roll them around between your hands and then unfold a softer crumbled tissue.

[babs]

and also ...



Now isn't that a truth ...

[Appuleius]

Finest public toilet door I ever read was one where there was a chalk (I think it was chalk!) line from the door along the floor and under the toilet bowl where it read "nosey bugger" and another where it said "you are now pi***ng on your shoes"

Further ones like "happy new year to all our readers" and a gem that went "this door may be obtained in a cheap paper back edition"

I worked at a place years ago where the apprentices kept scrawling on the toilet walls and doors, the manager had a blackboard installed and chalk provided, one lad was detailed every day to wipe the board clean. This is not apocryphal but 100% true.

Ah .....nostalgia is not what it used to be.

[Worldlife]

Bab's cartoon of the big cesspool under the loo reminds me again (may have mentioned it on another thread in the past).....

The scout loos at Gilwell Park were all set directly over a drain that went to a cesspool. It was not unknown to drop a ball of flaming paper or tissue down your loo into the open drain to be carried along to warm the backside of the scout downstream.

Ah the swimming in the unheated swimming pool that was green with algea......

That's healthy nostalgia

Ging gang gooly gooly..........

[Stalybridgelass]

Now.......before I begin in this chosen expert subject.......I'm good at dealing with crap ....I would love to wish everyone a wonderful new year.......I know I aint been around for ages but lets not dwell on that............I believe the specialist subject is toilet rolls and how to chip them so that they perform their function correctly... mmm........ if you disassemble the first ply from the second ply and re-wrap the first ply over the second ply .........it may just happen that the perferations match up and you will find that you can 'rip' off the required amount without making too many coasters........does that make sense?

[Worldlife]

Welcome back again....What an inspiration Stalybridgelass.... the things one could do with a 'chipped' toilet roll.

Maybe it would be even better to have a chipped toilet roll holder fitted with a guillotine and adjustable cutting lengths. That could provide cut sheets of different lengths for different purposes. You could have a voice activated model - that might even fold a double sheet for you.

Maybe supermarkets will offer cheaper unperforated toilet rolls for this new "Toiletmaster"

The de-luxe model could have a detector that recognises a man has come in for just a pee and be provided with friendly voice reminders such as "please raise the toilet seat and lid" "steady with your aim', "please lower the toilet seat and lid before your leave" and even maybe "have you remembered to wash you hands?"

[Stalybridgelass]

lol............yeah it could become part of the 'Toilet of the future' aka FUTURE LOO!!!

[oldboy2000]

Originally posted by Alnath
The nightmare that is

Amazingly good piccys with your A80 John..next I expect we are going to see the 2 Eggs again